when you find yourself wondering where is masochism
look toward the stars and see it was inside you all along

people often ask me "naz how do you make money if you haven't released music in 8 years?"

the novelty of this is i've quite literally never made money or so much as broken even on the music i've made but i guess that's neither here nor there

really it's a fine question that goes beyond simple entitlement to knowing an artiste's every fiscal responsibility or lack thereof and i know why it's being asked. lots of you daydream about doing what i do even though what i do seems like very little, or maybe for that very reason. i exist and i seem financially comfortable. maybe your daydreams revolve primarily around my 2011-2013 era of public discourse and more widespread though still niche relevance and that's okay too. now seems like the time to mention the glamorization of sex work and onlyfans in particular makes me uncomfortable. it's no nuance november and i don't have to answer to you, a beam of light blinding me in the distance

i have credit card debt in the range of six figures, fyi

the joy of hollywood is "we" - meaning you (the beam of light) and i (the now fully autonomous being created in a laboratory by capitol records to be the "exotic" answer to britney spears) together in different ways - are perpetually surrounded by so-called nepotism brats. the public both adores and despises these beautiful brats, which is fine, because same. but the public - this time meaning just you and the many reddit users who've made odd accusations about my financials - also convince themselves of all sorts of nefarious secrets to do with this hollywood hierarchy, because many times what is public seems odd and thus the natural thought is "what's behind the scenes must be even odder"

i do not think nicole kidman's father ever dressed teenagers as teddy bears and chased them through a forest while she sat on a satanic altar, this is a dumb story and totally fake, ask anyone

my life is made easier by a "network", a word a user on r/popheads once used to imply i was a high class cocaine dealer or an escort

to politicians who stan me, of which i assume there are many: legalize sex work and hard drugs and normalize the long furby, she is a woman doing her best

what i'm saying is much of my money comes via: having parents who are upper middle class and willing to bail me out when i have maxed out my credit cards and can't afford rent (a luxury many do not have and its own kind of nepotism even though my father was not on a procedural cop drama and instead spent decades cutting children open) and simply creating art that people are willing to buy because it comes from me, and not because it's particularly good. i am not secretly the daughter of googoosh or a money laundering front for the persian mafia or an escort or regularly leeching your white boy favs dry. there was a time in my life when i found such accusations cute because they meant i held relevance to the 15-25 people perpetually circulating these rumors but now

well actually i still find them cute but it's been 10 years please come up with more or at least something slightly more convincing because to my label i am simply a ghost and i count on you all to keep freebasing me into the mainframe, thanks

it's 3:02am

i hope i've answered your question of how i can continue to afford vintage 1950s ice skating costumes

this will be deleted but if you screenshot it and talk shit about me on instagram then please remember to tag me, i'd like to read too

consider this my formal apology for everything
and also a partial view of my 1stdibs dot com wishlist
for my lover, loved ones, and voyeurs