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this story needs backstory, because it's the only way you're going to genuinely appreciate the excess of this wedding and it's going to be told in parts because there's a lot that happened in a short period of time.  even in this old as fuck pic, i'm sure you recognize andy's mom in the front on the left, but not everyone in the fandom is familiar with the rest of the family, unless you're from south africa. the guy behind her and to the left is her brother, derek stander. their father (andy's grandad for those of you who need the explanation) was this guy called lionel who was actually a member of parliament for portsmouth (IN ENGLAND) despite his children growing up with their south african family. their mom (andy's grandma) was this lady called caroline. caroline was a van der merwe. there's an old interview from the 90s where daphne talks about how van der merwe is a super afrikaaner name, sort of like how the generic english surname is "smith" and i guess it's only a joke that people from that country would even understand?? but it makes it sound like her family was super lowkey and idk common i guess you can say? but these are not generic van der merwes  every year forbes releases a list of rich ass people. the last one came out earlier this month and i just wanna draw your attention to some names ya'll:  this dude is the son of jaap the first who had a daughter named CAROLINE who married a guy named LIONEL who had a kid named DAPHNE who had one of her own named ANDREW JOHN FUCKING SUTCLIFFE. yes this his fucking second cousin and if you thought that was wild:    nice job harlowe montauk even if the fact that you got a big ass ring means less now because we all know andy just got them from his family lmao. this also explains why nicola parr was so thirsty for him. paper sea fam, you'd better hope your boy got a prenup.  SO THIS WEDDING  this beautiful man has three cousins: natalie, bryan, and trevor. they're the people he posted pics of on his instagram a while back, mentioning they'd see him in south africa soon. bryan (the one getting married) is the oldest of his cousins but at 38, is the oldest of the group. bryan, my friends, looks like this:  it's like someone copied andy's face and then made him hotter (sorry not sorry paper sea fans). i genuinely think they look more alike than andy and either of his siblings, and although trevor and natalie are pretty good looking too i think we can all say that the best genes went to the older brothers on both sides. the fiancee this time (apparently this is number three for him) is this lucky as fuck canadian bitch who is beautiful and i fucking hate her but she looks like she'd fit in with all of the other model-types he's been with and if not him, she'd probably be fucking andy bc she looks like his type too. the wedding took place at this placed called sabi sabi, which is this game preserve five and a half hours from johannesburg and it was BEAUTIFUL but i'll talk more about that in part three. they're not really well known anywhere else but the stander/van der merwe family is really fucking well-connected in africa and although there is a limit to the number of guests you can have stay on the preserve (so basically is was only the stander squad who spent the night there) the wedding itself was fucking MASSIVE. the guest list was literally insane and that was just the people who actually rsvp'd, not that anyone wouldn't. you definitely got the vibe that this was the go-to thing even though who in their right mind gets married on a thursday? everyone who wasn't main family was put up in other parts of kruger national park (or a different place in sabi sabi from the rest of them) because they wanted the other events to be super accessible to the guests. other guests included the press, who was invited to participate in every aspect of the wedding.  an internet friend of mine works for a magazine down there WHOSE NAME WILL NEVER BE MENTIONED and when he told me that he was going to be there, i basically made him promise to tell me everything so this is admittedly secondhand but ya'll always seem thirsty for suttauk gossip and literally wherever harlowe and andy go, there is drama. as far as wedding parties went, natalie was obviously a bridesmaid and unhappy that she wasn't maid of honor because she apparently was for the first two. on the groom's side, trevor was one of the groomsmen, as was andy, who showed up wednesday afternoon with harlowe who actually looked normal for once in her life. it's fifteen hours from london to johannesburg and then another long ass drive to the venue so i'm sure they were both fucking exhausted but to the surprise of anyone who knows that there is no love lost between daphne and harlowe the first thing out of the mother-in-law's mouth is how nice harlowe looks and how happy she is they've come, especially with andy's birthday and the album release so close.  then she introduces harlowe to everyone in the immediate family. nicola parr's pr machine never sleeps but when she gets on the level of daphne sutcliffe and kris jenner, then you can call her impressive. but that isn't even the best part. they get to derek, right? and he turns to his sister and says "she doesn't look pregnant to me".  part two in a bit TAGGED: harlowe montauk paper sea andy sutcliffe
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