Oh No They Didn't!

as many of you know, last night was the 29th birthday party of paper sea's drummer and adorable laugher alan cross. originally, it was schedulled to be on wednesday night, but he recently announced that he was leaving to replace the drummer for pale waves on their tour so everything was moved last minute to accommodate that change, including the venue.

i went to college with alan's sister cassandra and after graduation moved to london for a job so she and i have stayed in touch. they're six years apart so i never really got to hang out with him in the time that i've been here? and all of my knowledge is secondhand bc by the time she and i met he was already in the band but when she asked me to be her plus one to this party i literally jumped at the chance because WHO WOULDN'T??

for those of you who were hoping that dating (or whatever they are) harlowe montauk wouldn't be the end of andy's sobriety or that the disney thing was just a mistake SORRY YOU'RE GONNA BE DISAPPOINTED BABES. andy was fucked up beyond measure

so fucking much happened at that party that i don't know where to begin so i'll stick to the best parts and if you have any questions in the comments i promise to get back to them

ian - ian has a reputation for being quieter and more serious than the other three which i think is a good balance for their chaos? every time i saw him he remembered me by name and asked if i was enjoying/still enjoying the party and offered to get me a drink bc he is a precious angel baby and the rest of his band probably tires the fuck out of him

marc - marc was there with kate OBVS and they were never apart for long. kate was drunk and babbling about how she would've liked to have been somewhere and wouldn't stop hugging harlowe whenver she saw her and sobby crying as she called montauk her sister lmao. i guess alan's birth time was at something :04 cos at four past every hour marc made everybody take a shot. at some point he tried to take off his trousers and jump into the river but one of alan's brothers tackled him rugby style and took him out. the second time it happened he had to go to a&e bc they couldn't keep him awake and were worried he was concussed

fara - fara isn't paper sea squad herself but pw is paper sea-adjacent and i think that counts? after the shots, everyone sang happy birthday to alan but she was busy texting half the night and tbh i didn't see her as much as i thought i would

alan - le birthday boi himself!! there's so little to say about him too. he seemed to have a good time and didn't get insanely fucked up. he took a few phone calls and hung out with fara when she was available/before she left but i can't really say i saw anything that would confirm or deny that they were together

andy - let me preface this by saying there was SO MUCH COKE at that party. i had no idea that much existed in the world so i assume that andy was more than just drunk BUT admittedly i only ever saw him drink. harlowe didn't drink as much in comparison and sort of hovered around him all night, probably afraid that if she let him out of her sight, he'd fuck someone else at the party. not that it stopped girls from trying and like i love andy i think he's so talented? but he isn't the hottest member of that band (that's definitely ian tbh). i get the appeal though and the desparation was INTENSE like my favorite part was when some girl who was wearing literally just underwear tried to pull him into the bathroom with her as he passed

AND THEN OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE COMES HARLOWE LIKE

which unfortunately was not a direct quote but it stopped whatever was going to happen. not that i think it would've been much after how much he was drinking. idk what their sex life is like but i doubt andy can still get an erection.

andy and harlowe left early, like before 2am according to other people who were there he typically shuts places down and has some sort of afterparty at his place or elsewhere so this was shocking af for the people who know them. they got out sometime between fara leaving and marc going to the hospital but i didn't actually see them go. someone who did HOWEVER said that andy looked weird and that right before he left he and harlowe were talking in really low voices SO MY PERSONAL THEORY IS THAT he got at least a blowjob from one of the groupies who crashed and wanted to leave before it went further BUT DON'T QUOTE ME

harlowe - harlowe was surprisingly uncool for someone who used to be a party girl. she only had like two or three drinks at most and idk if she even finished those. she mostly hung out with andy/marc/kate/and sometimes fara but she offered me a joint in the bathroom when i stepped in to pee and didn't even care that i did it in front of her.

around midnight she and kate were facetiming someone and laughing a lot but i couldn't get a good look to see who it was but someone told me that it was devon so we'll see how andy feels about her still talking to her ex. i give her credit for successfully fending off stage five clingers but something tells me that all is not good in the sutcliffe/montauk romance if he can't manage to say no himself without her hovering around

EDIT:

nicola - no she didn't turn up and i wouldn't have expected her to

harlowe's rings - she had ten million things on her hands tbh so i couldn't tell you whether or not one of them was a wedding ring. she DID wear the blue one from that picture on instagram though and i asked cass but she just shrugged and said that nobody told her anything and that she was fourteen when harlowe and andy began dating so she honestly didn't know her that well

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TAGGED: harlowe montauk paper sea andy sutcliffe